You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
