let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
