but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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