"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
