I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
