since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
