You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
