I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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