I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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