You're completely useless in the revolution.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
