I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
