I wish I could punch you in the face.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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