I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
