I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I am spending my child support on dildos
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you will always have a special place in my vag
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
