I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
