Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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