I showed him my bush... on skype.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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