Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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