I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
