why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
