when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
