I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
