wrigley field is MILF paradise
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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