I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
