I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
