Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
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We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
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Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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