vagina is talking i cant
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Everyone says I win the strip club
You're breaking my sexual little heart
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
