Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
