I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize