The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
