So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
