Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Say something about gay babies.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
