I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Randomize
