You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
