It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
