you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
