Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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