She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
