I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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