I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
