i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
