Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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