I want to stick my p in your. b.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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