brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
sarcasm needs its own font
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
