There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I currently don't understand fingers.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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