Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
