FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
