Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
