some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
