Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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