What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I don't deserve a penis
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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