Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
