shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
