I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
