in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
