there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
