Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i believe in u and ur pee
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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