Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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