i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
