we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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