Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
