Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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