I hate all girls vehemently.
it hurts more in the daytime
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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