too bad you live with your parents still
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
