Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
