Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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