so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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