Pappa wants mamma naked
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
