Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Of course I have a pirate flag
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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